autism, asperger's syndrome Options

[forDeeperRoots]

i've done some research after it had been brought to my attention by at least three other people that my husband may be a high functioning autistic. i've always thought some of our issues were because he didn't grow up around or be-friend any females (other than his mother) however i know of other males who are not like him at all but grew up in similiar situations. so i looked up asperger's syndrome and it totaly fits him and his behavior. how do i bring this to his attention so we can learn to cope better. the biggest obstacle for me to learn to cope with in this is the issue that at times he appears to be deaf.. NOT even kidding.. i can tap him on the shoulder, say his name several times and i get absolutely NO response from him. it is so annoying. there are other symptoms too but i need to know what to do with this information.. how can i use this to help he and i better get along. he doesn't understand emotions or feelings of me or other people... if there is a way for me to learn to better get his attention or SOMETHING w/o him know anything about my research or educated opinions i'd rather do that..

any ideas?

[Randy]

Wow, I really don't know. I know about 3 years before I was diagnosed bipolar my wife was reading an article about it and said "Hey, this sounds just like you." I had no interest in exploring what she was talking about...it was only when my world came crashing down and several pdocs all diagnosed me as bipolar that I took it seriously.

I think Rosebud knows something about asperger's. Unfortunately she doesn't visit here often, but maybe she'll respond to a PM.

[Rosebud]

My mother always thought something was "wrong" with me when I was little and took me to a lot of specialists. She thought I had autism but they apparently didn't think so. From what I have read, asperger's wasn't something that was normally diagnosed back then. I have always had difficulty with various things including socialization, having "fun," thinking in concrete vs. abstract terms of living, I started talking late, tags on clothes bother me, I eat my food systematically -- one food at a time and when I was younger the foods couldn't touch (my mother used a special plate for me) noises and lights bother me, crowds bother me, on and on. There is a list of "diagnostic" signs. This past year I brought this up with my tdoc and pdoc and they both agree after "diagnosing" me that I have Asperger's. There is one specialist in our city that gives the "official" diagnosis, but since I already have plenty of problems healthwise and have disability, we agreed that having one specialist diagnose me officially wouldn't accomplish anything. They have noted it in their files and I tell new doctors about it.

See http://www.templegrandin.com/ and books by Templeton Grandin. My pdoc recommended I read them as well as my husband. It helped my husband to understand me better.

[forDeeperRoots]

rosebud is it important for someone to get a diagnoses? he admits he probably has it but refuses to go to a dr about it.

[Rosebud]

It could be important depending on several things. My pdoc supports me in finding out the specific health problems I have. Because I have so many health issues that I am on disability for, it isn't that important for me to be "certified" with the diagnosis. She noted that I fit the criteria and documented it. It was up to me if I wanted to go further.

If the situation is such that it starts seriously affecting his work, etc., then I would consider getting diagnosed. It isn't necessarily enough to get disability for alone, but it might provide some help in some way, if not just the peace that comes with knowing what is wrong with you.

For you and for him, I would read the books on it and see what both of you think about the possibility he has it. For you, knowing the situation of possible behaviors may help you to deal with the situation better.